What Would You Have Been Like?

He would have been 14 today.

On this day in 1996 my brother and sister-in-law (as well as the rest of our family) faced a tragedy that still breaks my heart today.

Joshua Robert Wiens was due to make his much anticipated entrance into the world right around my brother's birthday on the 8th.  What a present that would have been.  Unfortunately this precious baby would never take his first breath.  What should have been the celebration of the birth of this first born son, first grandson, first great-grandson, instead became the painful news of his passing.

I can still remember standing at the gravesite looking at this tiny white coffin and thinking about how unfair this was.  Across the cemetery was another funeral of some man I didn't know, but I found myself looking at the regular sized casket, and the very large group of family and friends that had gathered for his funeral.  They were remembering the life of this gentleman, and from the number of people I would venture to say it had been a good long life.  But, here we were, our small group of maybe 20, about to say good bye to this little boy we never even got to say hello to. 

I remember hugging my sister-in-law and feeling so helpless.  Feeling her sob, and knowing there was nothing I could say or do that could make any of this make sense, or hurt any less.  I remember how sorry I felt for my brother, but how proud I was of how he handled everything, and how even with his own pain, he felt sorry for the doctor who had delivered Joshua because she had never lost a delivery.  What an awesome guy. 

Joshua would have been 14 today.  I would have loved to meet him.  I wonder what he would have been like?  My brother was also blessed with two more sons, and I'm sure that Joshua would have been alot like them.  Probably with the same reddish brown hair and brown eyes.  Would he have liked hockey as much as his dad and brothers do?  Would he like school?  ummmm, not sure many 14 year old boys like school.  Would he have a girlfriend?  LOL, probably not if his Mom had anything to say about it.  Would he like to sing?  Would he be an athlete or a book worm?

I imagine he would have been a pretty cool kid. 

As I sit here tonight with tears streaming down my face, I am looking back on it as a Mom. I have been blessed with 3 beautiful boys of my own, and can't for a moment imagine life without them. I remember the fear I felt as we waited for each one of them to arrive safely.  Our last son was born just over a year ago, and my husband made the suggestion to remember Joshua in a special way.  So, our third (and final!!) son's name became Isaac Joshua. 

Dear Nephew,
Even though I never got to meet you, you will always have a special place in my heart.
Love Auntie Jess


p.s I have had a little trouble writing this post tonight, and might come back to fix it a little.